Day 63. Today is the sixth anniversary of my mother’s passing.It is the first time since my mother passed away that my brother and I will not be able to recite Kaddish for her. Since March 14 our synagogues have been shuttered closed due to the Corona virus pandemic. Thus, much to our sorrow, we can not fulfill our obligations as sons and recite Kaddish in her memory. We have both arranged for friends in Israel who are able to conduct services to recite the Kaddish on our behalf and we are eternally grateful to them for this kindness.

In 2014-2015, during the year of mourning for my mother, I published a blog of my experiences reciting Kaddish. The blog, sayingkaddish.com, began with a post entitled, Sad But Inspiring. I post it today here once again in her memory.

It was right after the conclusion of the Sabbath on May 10, 2014 that I turned on my smartphone to a voice mail from my mother’s aide.

“Hi Judd, this is Pearl. I know that you cannot answer your phone. I am rushing back to the emergency room with your mom. She is not doing well. I just want to let you know, okay? Bye.”

This was the beginning of the end of my mother’s long life. She had experienced difficulty breathing that Sabbath and was rushed from Care One, the rehab facility where she ultimately had been admitted after having fallen and broken her pelvis several months before, down the block to Holy Name Hospital. Upon admission she was non-responsive to commands, intubated, sedated and admitted into the ICU unit where, as it would turn out, she would live the last two weeks of her life.

Her admission to the ICU began a life experience which I would come to describe as “sad but inspiring”. Sad – for all the obvious reasons; my mother’s final illness and her passing. Inspirational – because of how she died and the amazing people with whom we came in contact.

Several days after her admission to the ICU we were told that she had lost all kidney function. Dialysis was a possibility though not a solution. If it did not work, her days would be severely numbered. The intensive care doctors and the nephrologist explained the options to my brother and I but did not encourage dialysis. Her age, over 90, her greatly deteriorated and frail condition did not bode well even if dialysis would give her a temporary reprieve. They expressed their views but were very respectful of our need to obtain an Halachic (Code of Jewish Law) ruling. This began a nearly daily dialogue with our rabbinic authority as we tried to navigate through complicated and difficult end of life issues with strict compliance to the requirements of Jewish law and with the utmost compassion and respect for my mother. While knowing that we would ultimately follow the decisions of the rabbi made our personal decision making process “easier”, more “black and white”, it was nonetheless an exhausting and at times confusing effort that pitted American values and the medical profession’s “quality of life” and compassion paradigm against the Torah’s view of the meaning of life and the sacred quality of every single moment of life granted to a person by the Almighty. I gained a new respect for the responsibility of a rabbi who is called upon time and time again to make life and death decisions for others. How thankful I am that I am just a lawyer. In the end, we were able to see clearly that following the dictates of Jewish law was the reason why my mother lived to experience one more Sabbath, one last candle lighting and, one last Kiddush before returning to her Maker.

On Friday night May 16 we were informed that the dialysis was unsuccessful. While no one could tell us when, we were told it would be a matter of days as my mother had virtually no kidney function. This began what turned out to be a week long vigil in the ICU for myself, my wife, my brother and my sister in law. We camped out in the ICU from day to night and one night my brother and I split sleeping in the ICU. It was obvious and natural to us all – our mother was not going to make this last voyage alone. We would put our lives on hold and accompany her on her final journey.

Our vigil in the ICU introduced us to some of the most inspiring people I have ever met. Every ICU nurse, technician and orderly was amazing. They work three days a week and twelve hour shifts. Every moment of every day they care for those most in need . Each individual with whom we came in contact was inspiring. They are dedicated beyond description, respectful of every patient and, caring in a way that is super human. I asked one nurse, Rachel, how she does her job day in and day out. “I look at every patient as if they are my parent or my sibling. Some days I just go home and cry. Some days we have victories”. In a world in which we are inundated with news of evil, of terrorists, of crime, and of all that is bad in our society, it is so important to know that there are many who literally dedicate their lives to helping others. Spending an intense week in the company of such people, forced me to look at my own life and to ask myself “Do I, can I measure up to these ordinary – but in truth – extraordinary people?”

Sunday turned into Monday, Monday turned into Tuesday and my mother waged her personal battle against the angel of death. She was clearly going to give him a run for his money. Tuesday turned into Wednesday. Wednesday afternoon her blood pressure dropped precipitously and Rachel, her ICU nurse that day, indicated to us in her own gentle way that this was not good. My brother and I split that night in the ICU – all for naught – as mom rallied yet again. The angel of death had met his match.

Wednesday turned into Thursday and my mother was stable. My pediatric surgeon son in law in Saint Louis, who was my medical “interpreter” all through this process, could not understand how my mother was defying medical reality. Indeed, no one could. On Friday it all became clear.

Friday morning my mother was so stable that my wife and I left the hospital late morning to run a few errands and to take a break. We had come up the week before and never left. Our lives were on hold.

In the early afternoon we returned to the ICU. About an hour later we watched the monitor to which my mother had been hooked up for two weeks and saw that her blood pressure was dropping precipitously low. John, my mother’s soft spoken Jamaican ICU nurse that day, asked if we wanted him to call the rabbi. It was his way of preparing us for what was now happening. I called my brother and told him to come and with our wives we started to make preparations. Top on the list was arranging for a “shomer” – someone to stay with her body and recite Psalms during the Sabbath until the conclusion of the Sabbath when we would be able to make funeral arrangements. Luckily, we were able to obtain a shomer, a very nice gentleman from Brooklyn whom I will likely never see again, who ended up staying up two nights saying Psalms; a lesson in genuine selflessness and kindness.

My wife with the assistance of our cousin was able to get access to a family room in the hospital. The family room had two rooms; a bedroom and a fully stocked lounge. It is maintained by volunteers and is a testament to the inherent kindness, sensitivity and generosity of people. Right before the Sabbath began my wife came back to the hospital to bring food and to show me the rooms. On the table in the lounge were two “Sabbath boxes”. My wife opened one up and handed me two tiny battery operated Sabbath candles. “Light them with your mother. Lighting the Sabbath candles was always very important to her”.

We went back to my mother’s room in the ICU, her condition was deteriorating. I lit the candles for my mother, placed the candles on a tray next to my mother and my brother and we welcomed in her final Sabbath. After praying and blessing the Sabbath over wine we sat at her bedside and recited Psalms and and stared at the monitor to the right of my mother’s bed. Her blood pressure was dropping and her heart rate was increasing. The end was coming near. The ICU nurse, John, finished his shift at 11 pm but instead of leaving stayed with us. At approximately 11:45 pm my mother passed away as her Sabbath candles flickered next to her bed.

As my brother and I began our long walk in the rain back to his house we began to understand what my mother’s final week long battle with the angel of death had been all about. My mother had been determined to live one more Sabbath, to light candles one more time, to welcome the Sabbath one last time before she departed this world and was reunited with my father, the love of her life, from whom she had been separated for twenty nine years. Without a doubt he was waiting for her at the gates of heaven with open arms.

Day 62. The following is an excerpt from a piece written by Dr. Sanjay Gupta of CNN. I could not agree more!

“That is why I’m worried about my patient right now. In this case, the United States of America. We have been infected, and we are only part way through the miserable therapy. If we stop now, however, it may not just be back to square 1. We may be worse off than we started. The metaphorical resistant bacteria may be unleashed.Getting through this together means listening to the recommendations from health experts, understanding the rationale, being thorough about the treatment, and not giving up part way through. It also means providing constant reminders that this isn’t the patient’s fault, or the country’s for that matter. Just as I don’t know why patients develop a crippling brain tumor, we don’t know for certain why the world became infected at this time in our history. In my experience, placing blame in this context serves no purpose. I cast my eyes to the future and not to the past. It will not change how I treat the patient or how the patient will respond.“

“I often spend a lot of time with patients showing them the studies that provide some proof the treatment I advocate can work. Patients want that, and they deserve that. I even keep lists of patients who have already recovered and thrived, and I introduce my new patients to them. The same is true here. There is proof the treatment being proposed for the country can work, and we should consistently remind each other of that. And we should also learn from other countries that have already started to slowly recover and more safely reopen.People often ask me if it is hard to have those conversations with my patients. That’s not how I would describe it. I describe it as an opportunity to heal someone, body and mind. To get them better. To make them whole in a way that they didn’t think was possible. That can happen here as well, if we stay the course.The country and the world are facing a serious illness. But, it is treatable. It is fixable. Let’s do this together.“

Is anyone listening?

Day 58. The Corona virus and the disease it causes, Covid-19, do not discriminate. We are all potential victims. The economic impact of the Corona virus pandemic, however, does discriminate.

The pandemic has wreaked havoc on the economy. From the moment it first hit the shores of the United States its economic impact has been disproportionate. Consider the following: Some businesses, Amazon for example, have thrived thanks to the pandemic so much so that it has hired thousands of new employees. Zoom has become a household world. Lysol and manufacturers of protective gear literally can not keep up with the demand. While other economic sectors, e.g travel, retail, landlords, for example, have been hit hard; so much so that some businesses e.g., your local ma and pop store or restaurant, have been destroyed, never to return.

As we slowly leave our homes and inch our way back to the work place the disparity in the pandemic’s economic harm will continue to become manifest. Some economic sectors, e.g. service industries, will likely more easily initiate necessary changes and more quickly “stabilize”. Others across a wide spectrum, from dentists to gyms, from airlines to landlords, will struggle to recover and suffer financially for months and in some cases struggle for years to come.

The economic disparities are and will be real. Some will prosper and others will not. Some will regain their employment and many will not. It will be a slow and challenging recovery. Plan accordingly.

Day 57 .Today represents two months to the day when Shapiro, Lifschitz and Schram began remote operations. For a law firm that for close to thirty years has proudly maintained ta fairly traditional approach to the practice of law – from a “suit and tie” dress code to a strong preference for non- remote, office based operations, it was quite a change to implement in a matter of days. But we did it! Thanks to the extraordinary efforts of our Executive Director and the team effort of every member of our law firm, lawyers, legal assistants, assistants, and staff attorneys we converted to a virtual law firm in a few short days. Our goals were basic but challenging: First and foremost, we were committed to promoting and protecting the health and safety of all our employees. Second, we needed to continue to support our clients seamlessly during this pandemic. And third, we were determined to weather this crisis as we had previous ones (e.g., 9/11, 2008 depression) and remain financially viable.Thanks to the tremendous efforts of everyone at SLS , our clients, and with G-d’s help, we have been able to date to accomplish each of these goals. For this I and my colleagues are extremely grateful and lucky.

Today is also the Jewish holiday of Lag Baomer which is observed with great joy and celebration for literally 24 hours on the 33rd day of the counting of the Omer. One reason for this holiday celebration is that it marks the day that the plague that killed 24,000 disciples of the great Talmudic sage Rabbi Akiva came to an end.Tradition teaches that the disciples of Rabbi Akiva were all great men, steeped in learning. Why then were they victims of a ravaging plague? Our tradition explains that they were punished because in some small way they lacked appropriate respect for one another.

Far be it from me or anyone else to explain why in 2020 mankind is suffering under the ravages of the Corona virus pandemic. Whatever the reason, we can learn from the Lag Baomer story of Rabbi Akiva’s students and become more respectful, more compassionate, more caring people. We can all find more opportunities to reach out and help another human being.

P.S. A number of years ago I attended the main Lag Baomer celebration in Meron, Israel. Here are a few images from that celebration that lasted, literally, for 24 hours!

© Judah Lifschitz 2020

Day 56. As a trial lawyer you learn early on that you can not convince a judge or a jury of your position by talking at that them; by telling them what they should believe and what decision they should reach. Judges and juries want to reach their own decisions after hearing the positions and arguments of both sides. The role of the advocate is to communicate effectively, credibly and to educate. If one demonstrates respect for his audience, takes the time to methodically explain the merits of the position being advocated, and maintains personal credibility then a reasonable chance of convincing the listener of the merits of his position will exist. When a trial lawyer jumps to the conclusion desired, skips the education, demands a result, and does so with little credibility he will fail.

What does this have to do with this pandemic? At this juncture everything. Two months of sheltering at home appears to have largely stabilized health care resources and facilities and has or is flattening infection curves. The cost in human lives and to the economy has been enormous. 78,000 Americans have died and multi-millions of Americans have become unemployed. Clearly, sheltering in place until a vaccine is discovered is not sustainable.

But the dilemma is how to we get from here to there?

In my view one thing is clear. We are not going to successfully transition to the next phase of managing this enormous crisis by lying to the public, by declaring “mission accomplished”, or by telling Americans that we must open the economy and accept that another 75,000 people will likely die by August. A public that has been protecting itself from Covid-19 by taking extraordinary measures for the last two months is simply not going to buy it. People are not going to suddenly give up their personal safety and protection and rush to “open up America” just because someone tells them that they have to or tries to give them false hope by selling them on some alleged miracle drug.

No doubt, we must slowly and thoughtfully begin to pivot to our new reality. A reality which will be ours for many months to come. But such a massive change in the way we live requires honest leadership which respects and educates the public about how to best live and work in the face of an ongoing risk of infection. Until and unless our governmental leaders and politicians stop telling us what they want us to believe and instead make the effort to educate the public about how to safely live through the remaining months (hopefully months, not years) of this pandemic, I fear that we are on a disastrous course.

Just saying it doesn’t make it so.

Day 55. A very special Happy Mother’s Day to my wife, my mother-in-law, my daughters, and daughter in law, and all the wives and mothers who, in addition to all that they do day in and day out, are carrying an extra burden during this pandemic. I hope you all enjoy this “virtual” bouquet!

© Judah Lifschitz 2020